We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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