She said her name was "party"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
