i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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