Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
