i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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