Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
