so that wasnt chicken after all
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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