Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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