its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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