I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
