Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
