You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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