I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
