I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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