TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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