Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize