Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
