the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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