If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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