Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
