ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize