We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
