did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
