Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
