yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
