Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
