She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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