Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found puke in my bra..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
