dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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