Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
