i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
