omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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