First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
