Got a toothbrush?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
