we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
