I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
