Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
