my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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