You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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