she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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