It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
