Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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