all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
