If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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