mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
