Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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