wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
