I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
