Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
