trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
