from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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