I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
