How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
