dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
