our cab driver is having phone sex.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
