I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
