Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
