i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
