quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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