I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
