i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
