It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize