dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How naked do you want me to be?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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