Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
