i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
