This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
