omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
