Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
