I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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