If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The air was thick with penises
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
