i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
