I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
