I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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