um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
