He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
