I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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